Americans?

I get confused by Americans. What are they? I tend to think of them as being from America. I know that there are two American Continents, North America and South America. So in my book an American is someone who comes from either of these continents. A bit like a European. American is a collective term for a lot of different nationalities.

The population is somewhere just short of a billion, Spanish is the most common language. Most of them are of native or african descent. So why do we so often think of Americans as being White, Anglo Saxon, English Speaking people from the United States of America? Canadians, Mexicans, Columbians etc. are also Americans. Is it just being white and english speaking myself that makes me think like that? Would I be better adjusted if I was born in Spain?

What should we really call someone from the USA? Usaians? Almost sounds right, but where does the emphasis go? is it pronounced something like U-say-an or OO-say-y
an? Anyhow, that has nothing to do with this "Letter from Wicklow". I want to explore the mind of the Usaian. Though based on watching their TV, this might be a fruitless exercise. But then I am thinking that they are a fruit and nut lot anyway.

They invented canned laughter! It is like some exec somewhere decided that Usaians are too thick to know where the funny bits are in a comedy. Its a comedy for gods sake, let the consumer figure out where the funny bits are. I loved MASH 4077 when it came out first. It was cleaver, quirky and very thought provoking. After several years I came across it again, with canned laughter! I couldn't watch it, the laughter was too distracting.

Actually that reminds me of something else I heard about the Usaians, a huge proportion of them live alone. Is canned laughter supposed to make them feel that they are not alone? Is is better to laugh in company? Do they plan on adding canned crying to the weepies? Anyone for canned screaming at the horror films?

More recent comedies are becoming a bit distressing. I love Bart Simpson, but the me toos' like, well I can't think of any of them, since I don't actively watch TV, it tends to just rumble away in the background with the kids glued to it. Ah, family guy comes to mind, wow, I hope the pictures are good, because the sound is pretty gross. I keep thinking that I should get rid of the box, because it is doing serious damage to my kids.

What is it about Usaians that makes them hate their fellow citizens so much? Does the TV drive them to it? It fairly makes me feel homicidal. Fortunately we don't have ready access to guns in this country, like the Usaians do. Since Columbine they seem to have become almost as bad at killing large numbers of their fellow countrymen, women and children as a middle eastern suicide bomber.

They have ready access to military grade weapons. What are they up to? They have the most powerful army in the world, they have one of the largest armed police forces in the world, the last people to invade the US were a bunch of crazed Europeans. Mind you, they almost wiped out the native Amerindians at the time. Oh and it wasn't the US at the time, it was known as the New World or the colonies.

They seem to love killing each other. All their movies and TV series are full of murders. Granted, they are entertaining, but somehow, Usaians don't seem to be able to differentiate between celluloid and reality. Does all the killing on telly make them immune to death and destruction? Does it take away their humanity?

The latest madness is that there are people now suggesting that teachers should be armed to protect the kids from crazed loners with powerful assault rifles, talk about escalating the problem. Woah buddy, your house is on fire, let me just chuck some more fuel onto it for you. Here have a gallon of gas???

Of course, some teacher is going to turn the gun on their class some day because he or she forgot to take their meds and then the gun lobby will be suggesting arming the kids so they can protect themselves. Then they will get a bit of sense when the playground turns into the OK Coral. Best not give guns to people on meds. Indeed, best not let people on meds drive either, lets lock them up. Actually, I've already seen people suggesting this. Scary isn't it?

Could I be deluded? Is it their news media that does the damage? Is it possible that knowing Usaians through their media creates the wrong impression of these people? Any of them that I meet over here are pretty nice people. Kind of normal actually. But I only meet the well educated ones with passports. What are ordinary Usaians like?

I'm still off the smokes, two weeks now. I remember the name of the movie my life is turning into. Fatal Attraction. I'm the guy who screwed around and the smokes are Glen Close. I can just imagine myself going into the newsagents and asking for 20 Glen Close!!! Actually that could also be an address. Imagine having to tell someone you lived in Glen Close.